Friday, September 30, 2005

I've Used Up my Happy Days

Now the pendulum is slowly swinging back to the other end.

The call center industry has probably evolved, or it’s probably just my general sketch of people who work in call centers that has changed. Before, my officemates were usually fresh grads who went to the same school. Now everyone’s getting older and has some sort of call center experience. And call centers are fast-becoming bereft of those cute CSRs. Too many idiots got promoted, everyone’s not too friendly anymore and everyone’s hardened with the job. People learned how to endure the night. It looks like they could, and are here to survive more of these restless, restless nights.


...

I've used up my happy days. Now the pendulum is slowly swinging back to the other end. My blood pressure is probably shooting up sharply again and I always feel this tightness in my chest. I’m wishing I had a good reason to resign. Having this feeling is exactly the reason why I wanted to leave my previous call center.

Or maybe I’ve softened up after months of not working, and call centers are always stressful if you take it too seriously. The Quality team had a "Team Building" I was obligated to attend, and I can’t help but get the impression that although my teammates are very hard-working and helpful, even kind to me, we are often victims of the tendency to see themselves as infallible know-it-alls. Or they were probably toughened by the disputes they’ve had, and probably because they have genuine expertise on the subject matter. After this outing, I just felt totally unmotivated.

But I’ll stop whining. I’ve used up my happy days. Belle and Sebastian sings, “You may as well take it in the guts, it could get worse. Just take it in the guts, it could get worse.”

Taxi Drivers Should Write Blogs

On the way to the office today/tonight, the taxi driver told me how the cab (an old Kia that desperately needed new bushings or shock absorbers) made two of his kids finish college. One of them work for a call center in Makati.

And he told me about his flirtations with women: Pinays in Saudi, returning Japayukis in Manila. He told me the secret that makes him a myth and gives him pride: bolitas.

And another cab driver must have another story in another loaded taxi. How life jumps from cliché to another.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

The Invisible, Unpredictable Logic

Soon enough, it will be time to plan another pivotal event in life. For now, I’ll sink into life’s invisible, unpredictable logic.

Just when I declared, “I’d let this month pass before looking for a job again,” the most lucrative job offer arrived. In this crunch time for preparing for my presentations for Kristeva and Derrida, I squeezed in a job interview.
I might end up working near that church by the sea.

And I did. Two days after, just before delivering my Derrida presentation, the company notified me that I start Monday. It’s a decent QA position. With all its open spaces, wide roads, and with barely any traffic, I get to drive a pleasant drive along Macapagal Road every time I go to work. Soon enough, I will be complaining about the workload and on how difficult this job is.
I jumped on the offer that was least expected, a salary and a location that seemed unlikely. Now it feels like a missing umbrella magically re-appeared, right when you decided to go out despite the rain.
Soon enough, it will be time to plan another pivotal event in life. For now, I’ll sink into life’s invisible, unpredictable logic.

So it’s roughly been a 3-4 month vacation with nearly a hundred-grand tab. What a life it has been. With the time I gained to do a few things I wanted to do, it felt like I won the lottery. I look at the past few pages of my journal. It was difficult to arrest life’s dynamism, or brew a blend of new thoughts. But one of my best rewards, for example, is that I’m almost done with my first 6 units of MA. And I’ve had my happy days. I’ve been the kind of bum I always wanted to be.

The workload hasn’t really encumbered me yet since I’m still on product and QA training. Despite being on graveyard, I still have the weekends off. There is time to pick up D. at her place and have a relaxed Sunday evening at Rockwell with dinner, a movie, and driving empty streets on the way home. There is time to dine at an inexpensive grill with excellent prime rib and porterhouse steaks.

But since I’m back at the graveyard shift, once again it’s beginning to feel like we belong to completely different time zones.

After the Play

I remember how, after watching the play, D. and I were reciting lines we snatched from it and just laughed some more. We had a terrific bento at the Rai Rai Ken by the Trellis.
It’s been raining the past few days, but tonight was a clear evening escorted by a cool breeze. The wind whispered a thousand I-love-yous to the sea. We took walks, holding each other’s hand and a cigarette on the other. As the night grew quiet, we drove the silent streets home.

The trellis is officially among the top five of my all-time-favorite places in the world. During afternoons, the sun’s white reflection on the bay makes it sparkle more than diamonds in a jewelry store. It gave me so many peaceful afternoons watching little boats while biking, glorious mornings while running, even a number of post-play, post-filmfest gimmicks, dates-with-D. (we’ve been to almost all of the restaurants in that part of CCP) and even lunch with my family. I hope it doesn’t lose its solemnity by become to commercialized, or too crowded like bay walk.

The Jologs Preliminary Remarks of my Postmodernism Paper

On an evening after my Saturday Philosophy classes, my girlfriend and I went to the Cultural Center of the Philippines to see a play. It was a production of Tanghalang Pilipino. I’m a subscriber of this local theatre company (the subscription courtesy of J.K.) and this is the first play of the new season. The play that evening was entitled R’meo luvs Dew-Lhiett, and it was a jologs adaptation of William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. Although Shakespeare’s canonical work was originally a tragedy, this version of the play was staged as a comedy. Shakespeare’s Fair Verona was now a squatter “Barangay Verona” along with its tambays and tanods. The nightingale’s or the blackbird’s songs of the morning or evening were taken as the yells from the balut (evening) and taho (morning) vendors. We laughed our jaws out watching this play. It was also very interesting to see how a tragedy actually becomes a comedy. Even from my own humble standpoint, having read the original Romeo and Juliet, I believe that this play was loyal to Shakespeare’s text. That’s the best way to appreciate play anyway, to be like the Greeks, to read the play first before watching it.

The play was meant to be appreciated by high school students who usually have a hard time reading the Old English of their Shakespeare assignments. The venue, the Tanghalang Aurelio Tolentino, was packed with high school and college students. Since I was a subscriber, we were seated at a reserved section. The other reserved-seat row in front of us was probably meant for sponsors and their friends. Seated in this reserved section s was a woman who looked expensively and eccentrically dressed in a red, kimono-like gown. We heard her companions address her as “Tessa,” and she looked something like a rich publishing magnate or another social butterfly. With her was a well-dressed guy who was addressed by his companions as “Rajo,” and he seemed like the famous fashion designer. Tessa, Rajo, and their nice-smelling, literally bejeweled, rich-looking companions talked in a coño brand of English that my girlfriend and I overheard. But before that, what is this talk about coños? Elmer Ordonez writes in his Sunday column for the Manila Times (March 14, 2004) “…coños --- the term was reserved for the mestizos who studied in De La Salle and Letran.” I studied in Letran (for grade school and high school) and I studied in De La Salle (for College and currently for graduate school). Although I refuse to say I’m coño myself --- I just know a coño and their ilk when I see one. They were just like Tessa, Rajo and their friends.

The reason why I wrote this little anecdote is that it was noteworthy for me to see how coños were actually watching, and seemingly enjoying a jologs play. Moreover, the jologs and the coño were actually converged in a formerly “elite” venue, the Cultural Center of the Philippines. This was an elite venue currently staging a play meant for the appreciation of the masses. It’s also interesting how some of the jologs-looking high school students laughed like hyenas at something that Shakespeare, meant to be a tragedy. Everyone seemed happy together in this artistic engagement, which is also an intellectual enterprise with how it uses Shakespeare’s text to make us laugh at the expense of this jologs culture. At the same time, one can also see it as a criticism of what has become of our own culture, or give a new meaning (jologs) to what our culture has become.

“Postmodern?” I teasingly asked my girlfriend after watching the play, referring to the play’s nearly-literal blurring of the distinction of high and low forms of art, and catering to both an audience of both elite and masses.

“Pwede? [Could it be?]” She returned my question with another question.

And I thought of how Philosophy could be even more exciting, intellectually appetizing, intellectually enriching, and probably even – radical. Perhaps we can introduce Postmodernist Philosophy through a set of poems called Jolography. Perhaps we can show how this subtle literary work can demonstrate what postmodernism is. Like the play, perhaps I can have my own jologs adaptation of Postmodernism and Filipino Philosophy.

Perhaps we can also introduce something different to Filipino Philosophy. Instead of writing another thesis about scholasticism, or the exposition of another foreign philosophy, perhaps so we can explore on what kind of philosophy does our contemporary literature and our rich literary tradition exudes. We gather from the thesis-writing guideline:

“Having no philosophers in the real sense of the word does not mean that our country is devoid of any Filipino philosophical discourses and utterances.”

Indeed, we must have our philosophical discourses and utterances. We can look at the critical or political writings of Jose Rizal, Graciano Lopez Jaena, or the literary works of F. Sionil Jose or Jose Dalisay. We can probably take that further by looking at something that seems totally different: Jolography. Let’s look at how this attempt actually gains a wider audience. Let’s look at what kind of philosophy does our stories, our history, our culture, and the little events of our lives tell us. Literature can cover anything from motherhood to assassinations. We can probably use our literature to contribute to the formation of our own Philosophy, or our way of philosophizing.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

A Wishy Washy Democracy

I also haven’t noticed how the Philippines is about to oust another President, the same one we put in power when we ousted the last one.

What a wishy-washy democracy. In this country, everyone has something to say (former Presidents, the urban poor, the businessmen, the military, the actors, the press, the priests, the universities, the administration, the opposition, the elite) and everyone’s opinion is right. It results not in a plurality of meaning, but everyone having their own fixed meaning, a truth of their own. Unfortunately, nothing ever makes sense.

And when everyone says a different kind of truth, everyone’s lying. We are all fools fooling the foolish. We are a country of liars, an attribute particularly true about the heads of our state.

So I'll add my own incoherence to my country's lies.

I remember reading a short story by an Italian author. In the story, the law decreed that the President be beheaded after serving his/her term. Knowing their inexorable fate makes them accountable for what they do, automatically heroic - or maybe in some cases automatically criminal. More importantly it makes them selfless.

We should do that: beheading presidents. It would save us the trouble of ousting them.