The Nine Minutes I've Lost

To quote myself, quite shamelessly, on an organized 16k run 6 years go:

Towards the end, I felt like I had so much strength left. I was sprinting towards the finish line and I was probably running a 4’00/km pace towards that stretch. I should’ve ran more with what they call “pure guts” and worked harder. I realized, this time I was enjoying myself more than working hard on a race.

I ran another organized 16k and some thoughts never change. But my body certainly does. I've been faster than the younger me before, but this time I'm slower by 9 minutes. And fatter, yes. 

I wasn't expecting to break my record 6 years ago. I finished exactly where I expected at 1:40:31. I suppose even a small amount of training allows you to gauge your own capabilities. From a qualitative perspective, I'm certainly enjoying myself more in this race.  I thought I did the race with a more relaxed efficiency: biking to the race venue, a pee stop before gun time, gels and hydration. I lost speed, but I felt good sense of control. It's as if this run is reflection of my overall mantra in life now:  navigating through life in a direction that's safe from the storms, using my experience to crack open those tiny holes where I find the purest joys. The angst has been long been depleted. Maybe we aren't even resolutely floating aimlessly anymore.

9 minutes slower. 6 years older. At least 12 pounds regained! If it's any consolation:

I wouldn't find my nine minutes if I measure myself against others. I found instead, that I've gained infinitely more than the nine minutes I've lost when I arrived home, among the scattered minutes and 27,000 steps I took throughout the day. 

My daughter, my son, and my wife were all waiting for me by the door. The feel of a gold, gold, gold medal finish. 

We're going to do a lot more than the 9 minutes I've lost. We will be eating pancakes, making coffee, doing the chores, lunching out with family, crashing in a staycation for swimming. drinking, meeting old friends, hanging out all day. I'll be up for more than 24 hours. I'm an electric car on full charge. 

And I'll be getting ready for the next race.