The Sharper Colors

We open clarity, complexity, in a box of crayons.
How its character seemed to sharpen its own edges over time.
Flesh has become apricot, and so rightfully so.
The formerly plain box of 24 has flourished with dandelion, scarlet, carnation pink.

I was curious if they had gold.

The smell of these non-toxic little soldiers overpowers

even the aroma of the strong coffee in such a hot afternoon

It transports me back to the scent of wooden floors
to grade school, the dried sweat on our white uniforms, pencil shavings
lead or ink between the pages of notebooks

the poignant smells of youthful diligence 

I am fascinated by your five-year-old hands, forming your own characters
from crayons splayed on the table
gripped then rendered meaningful, rising from innocence unto a piece of paper
as though nothing, not even the temptations of gold, can distract you

I mined for gold.

There wasn't any on this set.  

Until I saw so many others, far interestingly so
gleaming infinitely brighter.

Mining

In 100 Words.

4 bookings from the previous night. 6.5 hours of sleep. In the morning, lessons in Filipino for I. Coffee. Playing with I. Dishes. Dusting the car. I.'s visit to the the dentist. Lunch out - a quarter rack of pork ribs. Reading more Che Guevarra. Flat White at Costa. Groceries. Visiting M. 2 episodes of Mad Men. Horsing around with I. Tucking him sleep. Staring at D. arranging the baby clothes for V. 4k run on the treadmill. A batch of Laundry. Loving D., I., and V.

 The gold I dug up is staring at me in the face, everyday.

Please Share

Natapos natin ang dalawang aralin sa libro mo. Kakatapos lang din natin mag-tanghalian. Tapos na ako maghugas ng pinggan, magsampay ng ilang labada at ngayo'y nagwawalis at nagpupunas ng sahig. Gusto mong magkipaglaro, at nag-alok ka din na tumulong maglinis. Ikinwento ko sayo ang kahabag-habag na pinagdaraanan ng mga magsasaka sa Kidapawan ngayon. Natuyo ang mga pananim dahil sa El Nino at wala silang makain. Nag-organisa sila at hiniling sa pamahalaan na ibigay ang bigas na nakalaan para sa kanila.

Dinispersa ang kanilang linya sa marahas na paraan. Dalawang magsasaka ang namatay, sina Rogelio Daelto at Virgilio Lumundang. Marami ang nasugatan sa kanilang hanay.

Napakaraming makasarili, napakaraming sakim sa ating pamahalaan, napakaraming gutom para sa mas marami pang kapangyarihan o pera. Napakarami rin na mga kapwa Filipino natin ang hindi makaintindi sa sa ating mga magsasaka, at kung ano - mula sa kanilang mga puso, isip, at kumakalam na tiyan, ang naghimok sa kanilang dalhin sa mga kalsada ang kanilang hinaing.

Ikinalungkot natin pareho na ang mga nagtatanim ng ating pagkain ay siya mismong nagugutom. Nauwan mo rin na napakarami pa sa atin ang magdurusa kapag nagpatuloy ito. Mahalaga na ipaalam natin kung ano ang nangyayari, ipaunawa ito sa mas marami pang tao. Marami rin namang gusto tumulong, at isaayos ang mga tunay na ugat ng ganitong pangyayari.

Sabi mo sa akin, na may halong galit at sigla para gawin ang tama: gusto mong magpaskil sa bawat pinto ng lahat ng tao, "Please share." Gusto mo ibahagi ang pagkain, at gusto mo rin ibahagi at unawin ang kwento ng mga magsasaka.

Madalas hilingin ng mga magulang na mas maging magaling sa kanila ang kanilang mga anak. Hiling ng mga magulang na mas maging mabuti ang loob ng kanilang mga anak, mas maunlad ang pag-iisip, mas maligaya, mas malikhain at mas masaya kaysa kanila. Pero hindi kita pipilitin maging kahit ano. Ginagabayan ka namin, pero hindi ka namin pepwersahin.

Sa ipinapakita mo sa amin ngayon, anak, kailangan mo lang maging totoo sa sarili mo.

Re-configuring

D. drew a sketch to reconfigure the Sniglar crib into a DIY co-sleeper. It would make breastfeeding easier by cutting down unnecessary efforts such as standing to scoop up the baby. With some online research, I imagine her mind doing full-scale process-mapping and analyzing the required improvements. She did it even more brilliantly. It saved us the trouble and expense of buying another piece of furniture, and it goes in line with our intentions to pursue attachment parenting. 

Re-configuring the Sniglar is the result of a symbolic reconfiguration of our lives. Our thought processes direct us to the stunning beauty of simplification, employing resourcefulness to lessen waste, re-cycling and restoring, spending less, and doing everything lovingly. I canvassed for materials, but it eventually cost us nothing. I ended up sanding and cutting a good, matching piece of wood. It was the stick from my roller-hockey days. Borrowing a tool or two, I manually drilled the holes to fit the screws.

Six years ago, I wrote about this same crib, of having the fulfillment of assembling something with your own hands, and anticipating the experiences that will flourish. We still keep rediscovering ourselves. We also trust ourselves more. But I also don't know how daughters are different. I suppose we will still surprise ourselves.

All things considered, it doesn't matter if you only sleep a day or two in this crib. These days, we worry less and rely on our sharper parental instincts. Holding you in our arms, that's what matters.

A Lannister in Manila

in 100 words 

He wore a yellow shirt that shrouded a massive chest, surprising for a man who appeared to be in his fifties. He came to see the doctor. It was strange for him to be in the clinic alone, the doctor being an OB-GYN.

 He wasn't sick, he said. He looked up our doctor to pay his debt, the professional fee for delivering their child 15 years ago. The doctor did not remember the debt, but she remembered the patient. "How is Gemma?"

 "She passed away last year." The man who was nobly paying his debt in this humble clinic, sobbed.