May a Hundred Each

5.1

Firefighting In Hell

The President just admitted that he was wrong about his drug war. He literally said he will go to hell, along with those who support him. 12 trillion in debt. People died. People laud him. Everyone’s happy about a bridge he inaugurated. Skyways with sky-high toll fees. If the surveys prove right, we’ll be more politically doomed. Though we always have been. It’ll be on a more epic scale. With trolling and disinformation, our people’s minds have been conditioned. Lies like wildfire everywhere. But we’re going to fight it out. Even if we’re already in hell, we’ll fight the fire. 

 5.14

Deactivating 

I deactivated my Facebook account, officially and temporarily, for two reasons. (1) Disappointment over the networked propaganda and disinformation that won that Marcoses power and the presidency. (2) It makes me procrastinate, both a guinea pig and slave to advertising, to algorithms feeding our screen addictions. Inasmuch as I sometimes find genuine insight and information, nurture friendships and or even build emotional and social connections through Facebook, I trust that I can always do those things elsewhere, even more genuinely. I am certain that the pink beam of hope that the election sparked, even if Leni lost, is an awakening. 

5.18

Stack the habits

Even if there’s no detailed itinerary, they are all happening with spontaneity. A good rhythm on self-studying Japanese. Reading a chapter of a book in the morning, perhaps another one at night, a sensible news or magazine article in between. More strength and core training. More writing. Listening to a philosophy podcast. I managed to limit social media. I should limit streaming films, series to an hour or two. I should take more notes. Running and cycling’s steadily already part of who I am. 50-60km, 400km per month respectively. And family, a habit that is as necessary as a heartbeat. 

5.21

Congratulations and My Apologies

V. is moving up to elementary school. On the last day of Kinder, we attended her online ceremony. D. and I were with her not only today, but everyday, in her distance learning journey. She did reach milestones. She learned to read and write even better, even if we worried endlessly about her screen time.  I. has too much screen time. I reminded him calmly though constantly about this fact, and laid out the dangers of getting too involved in these games. Maybe I was too hard on him, and I ended up apologizing.  Birds leave their nest too early. 

April a Hundred Each

4.7

Descriptive, not dramatic, before noon. 

Woke up late for a 10k. French-pressed Sagada arabica, pan de sal. Taho and oreos with milk for the kids. I join V.’s class from 830, then D. takes over at 9 (it’s her lunch break) until 10. I do 3 30-minute lessons, send a few emails and line messages. I translate texts with H. for a descriptive survey we’re running for work. 

The Pulse Asia survey for the elections came out, and we’re happy Robredo’s got momentum. She went up by 9. The tragedy is that Marcos is far ahead. Analysts noted that he’s winning in the middle class. 

4.10

Savoring Sauntering Sunday

We went to the mall, savoring and sauntering in the joys of Sunday. Lunch, arcade games, supplies at the bookstore, gelato, coffee. We wear masks, fully vaccinated, and boosted, and it is as if the pandemic has gone past us. In the afternoon, I run a 10k (5”44/km, 57m 26s). The other day I did 40km (31km/h, 129w) cycling routine via Zwift which I do a few times a week. This evening, I speed up recovery (physical and mental) with a book, a beer, and a fascial massage gun. I feel both strong and mellowed by age. Maybe more mellowed.  

4.23

Process Maps

What’s wrong with me is that I’m always figuring out what’s wrong with me. It is as if my mind never ceases to create these never-ending process maps that always ends up with something sordid. I line up the reasons, root causes, next steps. Utilizing my corporate background and the resulting corporate trauma, I was really just trying to organize my anxieties. Naturally it will lead to something depressing, though I’ve never been diagnosed with depression, it does sink me. I do think I know how to fail this process. I have to distract it – family, running, reading, coffee, beer.  

Starting with the why is a good start

 “Writing your life implies that you think it worth writing. It implies an arrogance, or confidence, or compulsion to justify oneself, that I can’t claim. Did Washington write his memoirs? Did Lincoln, Jefferson, Shakespeare, Socrates?”

-  Joe Allston, 

from Wallace Stegner’s The Spectator Bird.

 

There is no arrogance here. There are no grandiose ambitions. No need to justify. I genuinely feel wise in realizing that I’m really no one important. One day if I live long enough, when my memory fails me, I’d want to remember. I’d need to remind myself that it was all worth it. That I’ve learned, loved, and failed, and I mustered enough spirit to sail through the tides. I’d want to cringe and laugh at myself. And hopefully, the regrets might get fewer and fewer. Starting today, 100+ words a day, I become more aware of who I am. 

Quarantine Skills

 

As if practicing for a tounge twister, V. says, impeccable in her delivery --- 

"Squishy squeezy glow masks." 

Kuya I. taught V. to pronounce Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch.

Natural Insemination

 

I'm reading Mieko Kawakami's Breast and Eggs. I also recently read a short story collection by Jeffery Eugenides, one of which, Baster, was a story of an empowered woman keen on getting pregnant through artificial insemination and raising a child on her own. Set in Tokyo and New York, respectively, these stories revolved around this common theme. 

Naturally, I end up using it as an ingridient for the questions I formulate for the lessons. 

With Japan's looming birthrate crisis, is artifical insemination a good idea? 

A student answers, "Yes, having a child, but without a husband. That's a good idea." 

I felt that we laughed genuinely. 

Premium Fakes

 

Northern winds whispering, push your pen (fake Parker ones fresh off the supply chain ships of China.) Having used the real ones, this almost feels just as premium.