Raise High

When you're happy and you know it, you become vulnerable. Clap you your hands. The monsoon rains are here and the roof gutters have overflown. They're angrily pounding against our polycarbonate sheets, and it makes me crack up inside. The floor tiles are loose. I felt as if this castle of meanings is under attack. D. patiently sweeps up, sanitizes and I help after work, and patch things up with industry-grade sealants. I wish I could do more, for her.

I heard something today, just when the rains stopped going crazy. Love is a river. Swim to the end. 

It's a quiet night. And because I've been busy with business and busier with being a happy husband and father in this rainy season, I haven't been running much lately. In one of the classes today, I was told that "we get less lonely if we move our thighs more." Strange things the students tell me in seemingly perfect timing. Epiphanies appear like rainbows when the rain clears.

The carpenters are coming to fix the roof. Raise your dreams.

Last Three Reads

Salmonella Men on Planet Porno
Yasutaka Tsutsui

T., a student of mine who writes novels, once told me about his dream. "I dreamt that I was eating my own body." He asks me if I believe in ghosts or UFOs, and I usually tell him (I may have been borrowing from Popper) that it might be something that science cannot explain right now, but eventually will.

I asked him what book he was reading and he told me about Tsutsui. I scored a few of his books and started with a collection of short stories, Salmonella Men on Planet Porno. It's a spectacular blend of sex, science and storytelling. It's terrible to compare a book to a TV show, but it was strongly reminiscent of Black Mirror. If Black Mirror was a reminder of how we are enslaved by technology, Salmonella is an agitation of our mediocrity. Women, however, were very negatively depicted.

The Pond
Ha Jin

A few months ago, during an afternoon break, we let our fingers flip through the titles at the Big Bad Wolf book sale. It was irresistible. An entire convention center was full of crisp, newly minted copies for the price of pre-loved books. There are books for everyone in the family, but the children's books had the most impressive collections at more affordable prices.

I got Ha Jin's the Pond from that book sale. This is a gripping tale of artist who stands up for his principles, persists on his principles, despite being confronted by political and spiritual corruption. He battles with his brush as his sword. I am convinced that Ha Jin is writing with authentic detail when he described the smell of a person's behind. The protagonist suffered so much that you had to read to the end to find out if he is still suffering.

He who fights with monsters must always be reminded, "He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster.

Hamlet
William Shakespeare
*No Fear Shakespeare Version

I scour second-hand online stores for books because that in itself is fun. I'm always very selective in what I buy, if not just stingy.

The No-Fear Shakespeare series appealed to me because I could never find it in ebook versions and the side-by-side (original text + modern translation) layout makes me feel less of a fool. The No-Fear Shakespeare series appealed to me because I could nev'r findeth t in ebook versions and the side-by-side (original text  + modern translation) layout maketh me feeleth less of a fool.  

While summaries and quotations of Shakespeare texts are abound in the internet, I read his works as much as I can because the experience of reading, especially Shakespeare, is in itself fun.

V. is Chu

When you turned two, your toes met the sand, you shook hands with the water, you were kissed by the sun. You made sand castles. And I told you crazy, fantastic things fathers tell their daughters. I will never be tired of loving you, feisty and charming V.

We didn't have to go very far. This beach was a scenic, 3.5 hour drive with a brunch stop at Tagaytay. It's a pampered beach experience, as D. puts it. We kept saying how this was just as spectacular as the trips we've made to Hong Kong or Boracay. Because even if those experiences were irreplaceable we know why this one was just as awesome.  

There were four of us. Even the sandcastles you made were all real. Perhaps you won't remember it, but it's in your heart now. Happy Second, V. You and your kuya make our lives more terrific everyday. 

You, Nietzsche and Pigs

One of the many reasons why women are the better of our species is because of their ability to intuit. Nietzsche was wrong about women, but you can still learn from the experience of reading him, and then do much better.

Everyday you bring us the deepest sense of fulfilment in having a toddler who is feisty and adorable, perceptive and nurturing. You bring your favorite book to me and you fall on my lap. You share your candy, we share our greek yogurt.

We watch Peppa Pig and we laugh with our whole body, flat on the bed, our feet wiggling in the air.

Cycling through Time

Five years in between these two pictures. It's as if time is non-linear, we experience everything together.

At age 3, you could barely speak straight. At almost 8, you say things like "I didn't mean literally" or "what an abomination."





Today, we biked together. I think you'll have good stories to tell.

No worries.

I start to worry if I stop recounting and retelling these many joys. Besides, I'm not flaunting them. I only tell them to myself. I worry that I go through life uncomplainingly these days.

I worry that I successfully bag my desires (now I have a bag of small achieved desires), while others don't. While many in my country, in the world, suffer. I worry that I've become mediocre. I might as well fill my pockets with these desires as stones that will take me down a river.

I worry that a state of equilibrium is always bound for agitation, like a calm before the storm, or worse, a crumbling at the slightest stirring.

I worried that I drank too much, so I stayed sober. It's been almost 30 days now and I feel like I can sustain this sobriety. I ran 93.1km in the past four weeks.

Finally, I realized that I am thankful for these worries. If it wasn't for them, I would have kept my own life unexamined. I know for sure that my decisions aren't just a reaction to life's worries. It is a pursuit of life itself.

I worry, yes, but more importantly, I will. I will say yes to life. Yes, I will, yes.

and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.