My History of Love

The History of Love
Nicole Krauss
242 pages 125 PHP at Booksale

I detest the government of Israel for what it has done, and is still doing to Palestine and Palestinians in Gaza. Too often, this becomes enough reason for people to become biased towards Jewish people, including writers of Jewish descent. But writers are writers, regardless of their political inclinations or ethnic origins, nothing stops them from writing good literature.

My imagination sews up a story. Someone no longer wanted this book that I held dearly in my hands, mining it like gold from the bargain. It's in perfect condition, except perhaps for an aborted "Dec" written upfront, presumably for the date of a hand-written dedication. I think of the many reasons why this book never made it to the intended recipient. Maybe they just had enough of the violence of the Israeli government has inflected upon Palestine and Palestinians.

I don't call it a compromise when you admire the outputs of a culture, then exercise the freedom to despise their government.

This book became a gem in the glorious summer of my life. The History of Love is a most ambitious title, but don't expect to be served something as grand-scale. Nevertheless, the small-scale has its own charming glitter.

Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering. 

 A book describes the way you feel and adds itself to the bundle of impressions that compose your decisions. The History of Love describes these feelings splendidly. I read it during the summer my daughter came into the world, and this book helped me describe so much of the love that knocked me out when I first sniffed the air with her.

"Even now, all possible feelings do not yet exist. There are still those that lie beyond our capacity and our imagination. From time to time, when a piece of music no one has ever written, or a painting no one has ever painted, or something else impossible to predict, fathom, or yet describe takes place, a new feeling enters the world. And then, for the millionth time in the history of feeling, the heart surges..." 

The story bears resemblance to Jonathan Safran Foer's Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. I found out later on that they area couple in real life. I first both met them, together, by way of New Yorker's 20 under 40 (Stories from the New Yorker). But Nicole Krauss isn't a moon that just takes its light from her lover. She very well beams brighter on her own.

Filling the Silence

Twenty Days of V. 

“The result are ok.” The hospital staff confirms after conducting a mandatory hearing test on your day-old ears. You’re ready to hear more about this world. We’ll set you up to your maiden sonic trip. I played you the songs we made you listen to when you were still in the womb. Now that you’re out, your first auditory memories of Earth will include Chopin, Explosions in the Sky, Chet Baker, The Philippine Madrigal Singers, Siguro Ros and The Beatles. You will hear a lot more awful things in the world. You will hear about about the meaning of discrimination, crime, capitalism, neo-liberalism. But there will always be music. As we say,  music is a wand that brings both magic and meaning to our lives without the aid of logic or explanation. 

Who can resist not playing “Here Comes the Sun” during your daily serving for morning sunshine?

We filled the silence you hear with poetry. The first faint line. Pure nonsense. Pure wisdom. Of someone who knows nothing. We acquaint you with the world through the love sonnets of Browning, Shakespeare. We comfort your ears with the poetry of ee Cummings and Neruda.

I queued our wedding’s play list when I carried you earlier. We danced along with the songs. You looked up to me, locked in a stare of pure concentration, until you finally fall asleep. So this is what having a new-born daughter is like. It’s a wedding dance: triumphant and liberated from fear.

I also understood why I skipped so many poetry readings, those literature-inclined gigs and parties and meet and greets. Because I am meant to read it right now to you.

                                                         i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

 You are, after all, truth.

V

Ikinararangal namin ang magkaroon ng anak na babae. Ang mga babae ang nagpapaikot ng mundo.

Ipinangalanan namin siyang V., bilang katotohanan. F., hango kay Pope Francis, at sa character na si Franny, likhang-isip ni J.D. Salinger. Hinangaan namin ang krusada ni Pope Francis laban sa katiwalian at kasakiman. May katangian naman si Franny na nilarawan bilang "disenchanted with the selfishness and inauthenticity she perceives around her."

Mabuhay ka, anak. Maligayang pagdating sa ating kamangha-manghang, komplikadong mundo. Walang hanggang pagmamahal sayo. Simula ngayon, wala tayong katapusan.

We are honored to have a baby girl. Women make the world go round. 

We named her V., as the truth. F., after Pope Francis, and J.D. Salinger's fictional character, Franny. We admired the crusade of Pope Francis against corruption and greed. Franny was disenchanted with the selfishness and inauthenticity she perceived around her. 

Have a life worth living, anak. Welcome to our complicated, fascinating world. Infinite love to you. Beginning today, we will never end.

See You Soon, Love.

We're waiting for you. As a father, and someone who often overthinks and overanalyzes, I stir and keep asking myself what I can do other than wax the floors, change the curtains, accompany your mother while shopping for your clothes, assemble things, drive her to the OB consultations, --- what can I do more than the given?

In a few days, we begin all over again. Just last night, I was telling your Kuya about the concept of reincarnation juxtaposed with the law of conservation of energy. How atoms are like legos as basic building blocks. With you, we start anew. I wonder where the world will take us, how we’ll shape it. I try to imagine how we will describe the world together. How you’ll cry, laugh, feel. How you'll discover words. How you'll search for the truth.

Most people despise waiting. Time is another difficult earthly concept, and waiting makes many people lose their bearings. But I can tell you now how I enjoyed this wait and how I know where I stand. Because as I wait, it is as though I peek into the future. I see that we will never end.