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It was my (our) birthday. I thought this looked nice. I get to wear a a fitted navy blue suit, checkered shirt (supposedly in fashion these days) with a bronze red tie. The intent wasn't to try to look glamorous (or decent) because I'm celebrating life and my thirty-third spin around the earth, or having dinner somewhere fancy with my D. (which would I really would have preferred).
I had to wear this because we had a Quarterly Business Review that day and high-level clients flew in. We were required to suit-up, with touch of red, after the client's brand. And like most days, I had a long drive passing through bottleneck traffic.
Pleasantly and conveniently enough, I managed, with an effective effort, to keep most people in the office and social media distracted about the day we were born. It spares us the awkwardness of the obligation to reciprocate with thank yous. And we escaped those blow-outs, ha!
But I will not digress, or worse, appear dramatic or appear cheap.
I wore that suit to keep up an illusory character, to keep up with phony smiles and speak in the language of call center twiddle-twaddle that I do for a living.
I've noticed how what I wrote here recently is often positively charged. It's as if my life is candy-coated with a cheery loquaciousness that colorfully censors or omits the rueful portions, or that I've been shamelessly, selfishly happy especially in a country that plagued with corruption and the world, with injustice and greed.
I would think that you'd read this one day. There are plights in life, but you'll decipher that all on your own, and your own terms. I'll throw in as much as you will receive. In secret, all fathers hope that their children will be better wo/men that they are. I would lie to you if I tell you that's it's only been all good, or that I didn't regret to try out what would have been braver or maybe better in electing what I do for a living.
Inside me, I would have stayed with you and mom that day. You are both the real, inequitable joy that makes me no longer want to ask for anything. We grow old, and I think ahead to how to convey, that it's not just about what you wear.
