Without dignity, without meaning, now is that time to just drift. Like a needle swept by the sea.
This must have been how the alchemist felt when he conceded that lead couldn’t be turned into gold. Even earlier in my life, I’ve already realized that the philosopher’s stone cannot be found. In this part of my life, that feeling is in full blast. Now I’m feeling all this meaninglessness to the bone. Could there have been dignity, or meaning in the search? I feel that I’ve totally given up on that quest. Without dignity, without meaning, now is that time to just drift. Like a needle swept by the sea.
While everyday is a reality check, there is time to watch really good DVDs of acclaimed international films, or read books that retain the dreaminess in me. There are days off to squander a fortune on Greenbelt 3 to watch movies at 130 bucks per ticket and two hundred bucks on cinema food.
I spent some of my days off with H.’s housemates, (the P. crowd) along with some high school friends. "Our own Palm Springs," H. said, alluding to Coupland's Generation X. This is our early 20s, so it goes. I missed how music sounds so much better when your senses are stimulated and your consciousness semi-heightened. I missed how easier it was to perceive yourself as eloquent despite the senselessness of what you are saying, whether or not the senselessness turns into accidental genius.
___ so brilliantly persuasive yet unacceptable: that poetry was futile and senseless. She defended her ideas with a nonchalance that embarrasses any rhetoric born out of passion.
___ says, “we all want to rule the world but end up working in call centers.” We remember Fight Club. “You are not a unique and beautiful snowflake.” We all wanted to be movie gods and rock stars, until we resign to become the nobodies that we are.
